* here I sit with tin cup in hand*
seriously... I have been looking for decent job since late January. I've applied for so many jobs, using so many of the help wanted online sites, you would think someone would have snatched me up with the skills I have. I have even applied and registered with temp agencies... to no avail.
Whats really going onnnnnnnnn!!!!
I have stuff I need to do! I have a household I must maintain. I have a car in need of repair. I have kid stuff to buy. I have enrichment programs I'd like to put the kids in. But no one seems to be hiring someone with my skills.
One thing I will say is this...
God has been faithful! My children and I haven't gone hungry one day. Nobody is wearing too little clothes or shoes. The baby always has diapers. I havent run out of gas. Bills are getting paid on. Nothing is shut off. God is a wonderful provider. We have what we need. Amen!
Sooooo...
I'm not complaining. I just want a job. So that I can help take care of the things I wanna handle. stuff beyond the basics. A sista wanna buy a skirt sometimes. I wanna travel some. Take some family pictures. Stuff like that. You know... live like normal folks.... not just be barely making it.
Anybody know of any openings? Holla!!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Fat Fat FAT!!!
*sigh*
I've always thought myself to be a beautiful and sexy big gal. Even while pregnant, I looked good because I didn't gain but a few pounds. I was able to wear my regular clothes while I was pregnant. Still very cute.... just rounder in the belly... lol!
My precious was born and I set out to do the best I could by him so I consulted a lactation specialist and nursed my son. 3 months later, he weaned himself and I was 57 lbs lighter. Yes! 57 pounds! I was elated to find that many of my clothes were too big... way to big! I felt good!
But now there is the problem of all the excess skin.... I feel like a jiggle bunny! When I move, my belly moves, the fat on my back shakes, the fat on my thighs jiggle, and the breasts have gone south!
I feel FAT! Juicy, jiggly FAT! ughhhhhhhhhhhh!
Can a sista borrow a about $10,000 for a body lift?
*sigh*
I've always thought myself to be a beautiful and sexy big gal. Even while pregnant, I looked good because I didn't gain but a few pounds. I was able to wear my regular clothes while I was pregnant. Still very cute.... just rounder in the belly... lol!
My precious was born and I set out to do the best I could by him so I consulted a lactation specialist and nursed my son. 3 months later, he weaned himself and I was 57 lbs lighter. Yes! 57 pounds! I was elated to find that many of my clothes were too big... way to big! I felt good!
But now there is the problem of all the excess skin.... I feel like a jiggle bunny! When I move, my belly moves, the fat on my back shakes, the fat on my thighs jiggle, and the breasts have gone south!
I feel FAT! Juicy, jiggly FAT! ughhhhhhhhhhhh!
Can a sista borrow a about $10,000 for a body lift?
*sigh*
Monday, April 25, 2005
Life in the 'hood...
I was coming home from picking up my teenager from school the other day and while driving down the street we stopped at the traffic light. As I looked to check my mirrors, I saw a car pull up next to this truck... then a hand appeared out the passenger window... with a GUN! Next thing I know, shots ring out... 4 of them... and the car drives off...the driver hit with each shot... with his little kids in the back seat.
Needless to say I was so nervous, and surprised and afraid ... when the light changed, I drove on.... sure that I hadn't seen what I know I just saw... it happened so fast... I started to turn around and wait for the police... but I knew that I hadn't seen any thing that the authorities could use to apprehend the shooter. I decided to drive on home... but the incident wouldnt' leave my mind. I kept checking the news to see if there were any reports concerning the incident... I was appalled to find that nothing was on the 6 or 10 pm news shows. I guess folks getting shot down in the 'hood isn't priority news. Word concerning this story didnt air till the next day. But that night, the words to this piece came to me:
Shot down
like a dog in the street
like his life wasnt sweet
and it probably wasnt.
Living life violently,
its commonly understood,
you'll lose your life quickly
as shots ring out in the 'hood.
Young folks running toward death
with haste
Why'd he have to get shot down
right before my face?
As the eyes of the little ones behold
this young man's blood running cold.
Listen young men
whether you be kin or friend.
Do you have to live this way?
Why does your family have to pay
By losing you to life in the streets?
You lack respect for those you meet.
You'll die too young!
Your life has barely begun!
Give yourself a chance to live,
a chance to grow,
a chance to give
something back to those younger brothers
coming up.
Reach them!
Teach them!
But first you've gotta learn
before you get burned
as shots ring out in the 'hood.
Needless to say I was so nervous, and surprised and afraid ... when the light changed, I drove on.... sure that I hadn't seen what I know I just saw... it happened so fast... I started to turn around and wait for the police... but I knew that I hadn't seen any thing that the authorities could use to apprehend the shooter. I decided to drive on home... but the incident wouldnt' leave my mind. I kept checking the news to see if there were any reports concerning the incident... I was appalled to find that nothing was on the 6 or 10 pm news shows. I guess folks getting shot down in the 'hood isn't priority news. Word concerning this story didnt air till the next day. But that night, the words to this piece came to me:
Shot down
like a dog in the street
like his life wasnt sweet
and it probably wasnt.
Living life violently,
its commonly understood,
you'll lose your life quickly
as shots ring out in the 'hood.
Young folks running toward death
with haste
Why'd he have to get shot down
right before my face?
As the eyes of the little ones behold
this young man's blood running cold.
Listen young men
whether you be kin or friend.
Do you have to live this way?
Why does your family have to pay
By losing you to life in the streets?
You lack respect for those you meet.
You'll die too young!
Your life has barely begun!
Give yourself a chance to live,
a chance to grow,
a chance to give
something back to those younger brothers
coming up.
Reach them!
Teach them!
But first you've gotta learn
before you get burned
as shots ring out in the 'hood.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Making Some Changes
I am seriously in need of a make over...
I am about to turn 39 yrs old....
I have a new baby...
I have lost 57 lbs...( and yes I mean pre baby weight!)
I let my natural tresses grow and I have straightened them...
I need to make some changes in my outer appearance...
I also need an inner make over...
I have spent some time in a very deep depression....
I have been in a very stressful relationship....
I have been very near to hating this person...
I have neglected the very essence of who I am....
I need to make some changes to my innerwoman...
For my outer self...
A new wardrobe
A beauty shop appointment
A manicure and pedicure
An appointment at the MAC counter
For my inner self...
Prayer, praise and worship to the Creator
Positivity and Power
Preferring the Light of Love instead of the Darkness of Hate
Preparing time for the precious gift the Creator made me to be
Yeah... some changes are about to be made...
And change is GOOD!
I am about to turn 39 yrs old....
I have a new baby...
I have lost 57 lbs...( and yes I mean pre baby weight!)
I let my natural tresses grow and I have straightened them...
I need to make some changes in my outer appearance...
I also need an inner make over...
I have spent some time in a very deep depression....
I have been in a very stressful relationship....
I have been very near to hating this person...
I have neglected the very essence of who I am....
I need to make some changes to my innerwoman...
For my outer self...
A new wardrobe
A beauty shop appointment
A manicure and pedicure
An appointment at the MAC counter
For my inner self...
Prayer, praise and worship to the Creator
Positivity and Power
Preferring the Light of Love instead of the Darkness of Hate
Preparing time for the precious gift the Creator made me to be
Yeah... some changes are about to be made...
And change is GOOD!
Friday, April 01, 2005
Love and Hate
Sometimes I think that love and hate are the same emotion... just different sides of it.
Let me explain what I mean. I have figured out that, in order to hate someone, you have to have loved them at some point... but you have let anger and disappointment cover up that love and change it. I mean, why waste such a powerfully motivation emotion such as hate on someone you don't give a hill of beans about? I mean, if we didn't care what a person did or said... why does it hurt so bad? If we have no emotion towards a person and their actions, then why are we utterly and completely disappointed when they fail to keep their word? Hate is then the DARK side to love... motivated by anger at the one you still love. How do I know this to be true? I have experienced hatred before. I hated this person so much so that I wouldn't even speak his name. And if someone else spoke his name, I was quick to leave their presence. Years later, he and I had an encounter and I realized that the reason I hated him was because of my disappointment. I expected some things to occur in our relationship that clearly did not happen. When I decided to FORGIVE him, I realized that I did still indeed love him but had not admitted that I was hurt behind loving him.
Now I'm not saying that hate is a GOOD thing... it isnt... it can tear at your soul, cause illnesses to occur in your body, and cause an early demise... all this even if you don't reach out to hurt the person you hate... and I seriously don't recommend reaching out to touch someone's life in that way either... revenge is a mutha(shut yo' mouth!)
I am dealing with a personal situation right now that can easily lead to me hating someone. I choose not to venture into the dark side of love... I wanna keep my heart lively, full of light... not the darkness that hatred can bring.
Let me explain what I mean. I have figured out that, in order to hate someone, you have to have loved them at some point... but you have let anger and disappointment cover up that love and change it. I mean, why waste such a powerfully motivation emotion such as hate on someone you don't give a hill of beans about? I mean, if we didn't care what a person did or said... why does it hurt so bad? If we have no emotion towards a person and their actions, then why are we utterly and completely disappointed when they fail to keep their word? Hate is then the DARK side to love... motivated by anger at the one you still love. How do I know this to be true? I have experienced hatred before. I hated this person so much so that I wouldn't even speak his name. And if someone else spoke his name, I was quick to leave their presence. Years later, he and I had an encounter and I realized that the reason I hated him was because of my disappointment. I expected some things to occur in our relationship that clearly did not happen. When I decided to FORGIVE him, I realized that I did still indeed love him but had not admitted that I was hurt behind loving him.
Now I'm not saying that hate is a GOOD thing... it isnt... it can tear at your soul, cause illnesses to occur in your body, and cause an early demise... all this even if you don't reach out to hurt the person you hate... and I seriously don't recommend reaching out to touch someone's life in that way either... revenge is a mutha(shut yo' mouth!)
I am dealing with a personal situation right now that can easily lead to me hating someone. I choose not to venture into the dark side of love... I wanna keep my heart lively, full of light... not the darkness that hatred can bring.
ok... ok.... i lied...
I said I was gonna post more... I just haven't had the time... a newborn takes up lots of you time... I am gonna try to do better... bare with me ok? lol
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