Yep Yep! YOU been tagged!!!

As it was said if you are reading this you have been tagged.....LOL
why??? cuz GLJ tagged me... aaaahhhhh hush! Just do it! LOL

LAST...
Movie you watched: Constantine
Movie you bought : Hotel Rwanda
Song you listened to: Something on Gospel Radio
CD you bought : : Jill Scott Beautifully Human
CD you listened to : Jill Scott
Person you've called : Darren
Person that's called you : My sister
TV show you watched : TV hasn't come on at all today

DO...
You have a crush on someone : nope
You wish you could live somewhere else : I do sometimes
You believe in online dating : its good for some folks helps them get to know each other but it must go offline...
You want more piercings : Yeah... I'd like a cute stud in my nose
You like roller coasters : Nope
You write in cursive or print : Cursive mixed with print

FOR OR AGAINST...
Long distance relationships : It could work
Gay/lesbian relationships : against

HAVE YOU...
Ever cried over a boy: Yes.
Ever cried over a girl : Yes
Ever lied to someone : Yes
Ever been in a fist fight : Imma lover not a fighter...lol

WHAT...
Shampoo do you use : motions
Shoes do you wear : anything to show my cute toes..lol
Are you scared of : dying before my kids grow up and growing old and alone.

NUMBER...
of times I have been in love? : 5
of times I have had my heart broken? : 3
of hearts I have broken? : dunno... nobody ever said I broke their heart
of times my name has appeared in the paper? : dunno... I dont reach for the B section of the paper...lol
of things in my past that I regret? : oooh... too many to count...

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
Pretty: My smile yes
Funny : sometimes.
Hot : No
Friendly : always
Amusing : yep
Ugly : I have done some things that may be considered ugly.
Loveable : to know me is to love me
Caring : sometimes to a fault
Sweet : yep
Dorky : sometimes

FAVORITE...
4 letter word : hush!
Actor/actress : Kimberly Elise
Cartoon : Backyardigans *NickJr.*
Cereal : Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Chewing gum : Doublemint
Color(s) : earthtones
Day of the week : Payday
Least fave day : no least fave
Flower : roses
Jelly flavor : Grape
Jewelry : my gold coin rings
Summer/Winter : Summer

WHO LAST...
Slept in your bed : me
Saw you cry : Everybody at prayer service
Made you cry : feeling the presence of the Lord
Yelled at you : my sister
Sent you an email: spammers

HAVE YOU EVER...
Said "I love you" and meant it? : Yes... every time
Kept a secret from everyone : no... I am horrible at keeping secrets
Cried during a movie : Yes
Planned your week based on the TV : nope.
Been backstage : no
Been to New York : No but I will one day.
Been to California : twice
Hawaii : Nope
China : Nope
Canada : Nope
Europe : Would love to go to France
Asia : No
South America : No
Africa : Nope but want to go
What time is it now? : 7:43 pm

This or That?..
Apples or bananas? : nanners
Blue or red? : Blue
Walmart or Target? : Walmart
.Spring or Fall? : Spring
.What are you gonna do after you finish this? : Head towards church... I'm late!
Was the last meal you ate? : lunch
Are you bored? : Never bored
Last noise you heard? : crickets in the trees
Last smell you sniffed? : did somebody fart??? LOL

Friendship/Love...
Do you believe in love at first sight? : Yes I think it can happen
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? : Got 3 thats enough for me.
Most important thing to you in a friendship is : Communication

Other Info ...
Do you speak any other languages? : some espanol, babytalk...lol
Last book you read? : Bible
Thing in your bedroom you like? : pillowtop never turn mattress on my bed
Your Nickname(s) : Dee, Niecy, Sugah, Babygirl
Initials : RDB
How old do you act? : How old am I sposed to act?
Glasses/Contacts : Glasses mostly... but contacts when I wanna look really cute
Braces : No
Do you have any pets? : no
You get embarrassed : yes
What makes you happy? : music... the smiles of my children... paid bills... lol
What upsets you? : People who wont do what they say they gonna do
Finish the sentence...I Love to... sing.
I Miss...being married
I Am Annoyed by... hard sell sales people
I Want to be... a best selling writer
I Would Never... steal
I Am Tired of...this dang survey!
I Will Always... Love my Savior and work to please HIM!

whew! glad that's over!

Be Warmed and Filled...

5 Miles to empty
My heart is running low
I need a good man to fill me up
I need a good man to give me lovin'...

~Brownstone~


ok... what is it about some of us? Vast voids inside our emotions and our pschyes (sp) that we think only a pair of bulging biceps (and every other virile body part) of the male species can fill?

I used to think that my empty feeling came from being widowed once upon a time... you know... once having tasted the heavenly gift of marital bliss (whateva)...and all that jazz...
but if we really tell the truth... I mean get right down to where the rubber meets the road...those of us who have been in majorly committed relationships know that even sometimes your man can be sitting right in your face... and you feel all alone... you feel that void...

What is it we crave? Is it sex? nah... can't be that basic... because why is it when we find that 5 minute explosion with whatever toy we use... we still feel empty... alone...void?

Is it the need to talk? If so... why is it that we can be on the phone or at lunch with our best friend that we sometimes have an overwhelming desire to be held?

Another thing... what man in his right mind would want someone who depends upon them for their wholeness? their completeness? *shudder*

I think we should take a good look at we really crave...
Love...
This is something many of us think we have NEVER experienced... True Love...
Or something so many of us think we have every time we encounter the next piece of flesh that suits our fancy and makes the nether regions tingle...

But thanks be to God... some of us really have love in our lives... and we really do not acknowledge it for what it is...
The love of our wonderful Savior...

The last year of my life has been ultra trying... and the one thing I know that was a constant was God's love... some days it carried me when I didnt think I could go another further..... some days it revived me when I just wanted to lay down and die..... some days it filled me when I was so hungry for what my flesh wanted that I could taste it...and some days it was a gentle breeze across my cheek... just to let me know He was still here with me... and that He... the God of all flesh... had MY back!

I admonish each and every one to allow God's love be what warms and fills us... just as God let Apostle Paul know that HIS Grace was sufficient... Allow the love of a Holy God to be sufficient... Let it fill you up ... heal you in all those broken places... warm all those places the sun refuses to shine upon and make you whole... then... when the right one comes ... you wont need him to fill you... you can just bask in more of the Love afforded to you by the one who love you most and loves you best... and me too!

An open letter to a fool(ish man):

I guess I will start with accepting my part in this whole fiasco. I… lover of the underdog… always willing to see potential… always wanting to help a brother come up in life… took more than was my share… and I trained you how to discredit and disrespect me… because I let it happen one time too many…

But you… you aren’t a kid anymore… and you shouldn’t NEED a good woman ( like me) to always hold your hand and show you how its done anymore…

What? How what’s done? Love, you fool!

I loved you with everything I had and some I didn’t … I took from the love of others important to me and GAVE it to you… and what did I get in return? Nothing worth getting…I can see why otherwise sane women lose it… become that psycho b*tch men always talking about… not me… not anymore…

I had let the love I had for you cause me to lose me… but guess what? I’m BACK… bigger and better… stronger and wiser… believe that!

At this point I think it makes sense to just give it all up… just stop loving you… and before you say anything about me being a Christian and about how I am SPOSED to love everybody… let me hit you with this….

Even God gave up on some folks… if you can find your bible…knock the dust off it and turn to the book of Romans… the very first chapter… should be easy to find…

God decided that there were some folks who He loved who just wouldn’t let Him love them to life… they refused to treasure the gifts God gave them… refused to honor the love God had for them…refused to be conformed to the image of love that He is… so he gave them up… and let them do whatever the natural hell and the spiritual hell they wanted to do…

This is me and you… whatever it is in hell (or a hoochie) you want… you can have it… you are now free to roam the nether regions of the underworld and whatever you get … you get… and guess what? Things won’t change… you’ll wind up alone… again…why? Cuz you just freaking don’t get it! You had the love of a bonafide grade A woman in your life… and you just didn’t get it!

Oh… and just like God… I can forgive… if… and that is a gargantuan IF… you repent (change your ways) but I ain’t holding my breath… cuz it’s the lives of me and mine that are most important to me…

Oh… I will still be me… because it isn’t in me to be nasty, mean vindictive, hateful, bitchy, and all those wonderful things you presently think about me… well let say that I am not that way unprovoked… God is still working on me… but at least I am a work IN PROGRESS… and there is something being shown in my TRYING…

But I just wanted to let you know… you aint gotta worry bout me… bout us… bout a thang… I got this… and its right on schedule… don’t get mad cuz you hear how well we are doing… don’t get mad cuz you get info second hand… don’t get mad… cuz you could have been priority… but since you treated me as an option… you got moved to the bottom of the totem pole… if not off… and please don’t get mad cuz you got left behind…and even if you do… who cares but you… cuz it’s not my problem anymore…

This experience has only made me a stronger woman... a phenomenal woman... and just like the phoenix rises out of the ashes... I arise!

Signed…Not Yo Holla Back Girl

Because of Calvary

Set me free, Oh Lord...
From myself, I pray...
Everytime You start to move in me...
I get in the way...
Always trying to see...
But nothing is clear to me...
You saw my beginning...
And You see my end...
So on You, Lord
I will depend...
~Tramaine Hawkins

It is because of Calvary that I can be made free
from all of the crazy things that come to try me...
It is because of HIS sacrifice that I can be released
from the chains in my mind and on my heart that come to bind me
It is because of HIS LOVE that I am made whole, added to the fold...
Called a son... and with HIM, I am ONE...
It is because of HIS Blood that I am washed...
Made clean...
And although it seems like Satan has me bound...
wrapped up and all turned around...
I am Free...
Because of Calvary.

Somebody Find the Key...

It may come, it may come as some surprise
but I miss you
I could see through all of your lies
but still I miss you
he takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine
he tastes her kiss, her kisses are not wine, they're not mine
he takes, but surely she can't give what I'm feeling now
she takes, but surely she doesn't know how
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
that I still want you
and I want you to want me too
My love is wider, wider than Victoria Lake
My love is taller, taller than the empire state
It divides and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean
I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
that I still want you
and I want you to want me too
My love wider than Victoria Lake
taller than the empire state
It dives and it jumps
I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
that I still want you
and I want you to want me too
~Sade


If it is... Lock me up!
Soulties are nothing to play with...
I find myself fighting the urge to allow someone, who clearly doesn't deserve passage in my space, back all up in my face...
Whyyyyyyyyyyy??? Because I miss him...
I miss what we used to have...
I miss our conversations...
I miss his scent...
I miss the taste of his kiss...
I hate that I still love him...
He has caused me much hurt and pain...
But...
I still love him...
And under the "girlfriend code" I am wrong for it...
I see why Sade wrote this song...
Is it a crime to want someone you love
even if that love has cost you?
When you learn how to love someone
unconditionally... (or is it that you are tied to them still??)
surely you can do what I Corinthians says... bear all things...right?
I don't think I will act upon what I am feeling...
but I must admit... feeling like this makes me want to cry...

My Musings...

Ok ... bare with me on this one... this came about as a result of a conversation I had with my youngest's dad...and as I pondered on the things said... all this popped into my head... can't rightly call it poetry... cuz it aint flowin... just a little prose ... my thoughts...



On the first occasion...
I can't think of what to call it...
LUST????
I dunno...
I just know how I felt...
HUNGRY!!!
And you satisfied my insatiable appetite.
As the hours passed
And the Trojan wrappers hit the floor....
Without the spoken word...
You knew just what my body was looking for...

On the second occasion...
I knew you better...
We'd made the effort to talk...
Shared our stories... our dreams, our faults...
Became intimate friends...
But I must admit...
I couldn't forget my first hit...
I had to have you again...
But it was more than needing my legs to shake...
You had already caused an earthquake
In my heart...
Shook me to the very core...
I wanted so much more...
I wanted to be something to somebody
And that somebody was you...
But I played it cool...
I knew the rules...
We were "just friends."

On the third occasion...
We made LOVE...
I say that because
Love was the product of this encounter...
Mommy's precious son...
Mommy's special one...
Mommy's love...
He is the reason my spirit keeps coming back to you...
We are tied...
And although things are not the same...
And time and circumstances have brought about a change...
I can see beyond the physical...
Look into the ethereal...
There is no doubt...
Our Love Still Remains...

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

guess who is posting from work!?

Yeppers!! I finally got a decent job with ok pay... but I ain't complaining... it means I can pay bills ya know?

anyway I must sign off so I can prepare my desk to look as if I am actually working and not hanging out on the internet all day... lol...

oh wait... its 5 pm... everybody's going home... lol

anyway... I am grateful for the opportunity to chill out at my computer at work!

Peace!