I need a good cry…just to be able to sit and let the tears flow like miniature streams that flow into the river and create a pool under my chin.
I need to wail… to cry out as if someone close to me had died… sob until my sobs turn into moans… I just need a good cry…
It is said that crying brings a release… and that God bottles up your tears… He needs to get out a gallon sized jug cuz I have many a tear bottled up inside these eyes…
I wish I could risk doing it in my car… but dang it… its hard to see with tears in your eyes… and I wish I could do it once I get home… can’t do that… I have 3 sets of bright eyes watching me… needing me to be their pillar of strength…besides… remember how you felt when you saw your mama cry… I know it makes me sick in the pit of my stomach right now today to see Mama cry…I wouldn’t want my babies to feel like that.
I know… maybe I could cry for 5 minutes … nope… I’m afraid that if I start… 5 minutes just will not be long enough for me to get it all out… and if I start… who knows… I may never stop…
I know you ask… why don’t you just go for it… cry… let it out… *sigh*
I wish I could… but you know how it is… when YOU are the strong one…when YOU are the stable one… the one EVERYBODY leans on and looks to for strength… its HARD to find the time to cry…
You are so busy dealing with everyone else’s junk, comforting everyone else’s hurt… being everyone else’s shoulder… you just freaking don’t have time to nourish your own self… and nobody EVER thinks you should have a need to cry… heyyyyyyyyy you’re the one who has it all together… nothing EVER bothers you…
Welllllllllllll that person is who people THINK I am… I guess my winning smile and that feigned twinkle in my eye has everyone FOOLED…
But one day… I’m not going to hold back… I’m going to cry for old hurts… I’m going to cry for new disappointments… I will cry for every sacrifice I’ve had to make… I will cry for every wasted opportunity… I will cry for old and for new… and when I am finished… I am confident that I will be renewed… I will be refreshed… I will be refurbished… ready to be that strong one that everyone needs me to be…
If they would just let me cry….
4 comments:
got room for me to cry next to you?
Whew well you know I am just like you when it comes to being the tower everyone leans on.
I understand you dont want the kids to see you cry and your schedule today will probably not permit you to get some alone time, but ummmmm you NEED to. Yes crying is a release and you need to cry. Let it out. You will feel MUCH better. It may not take away the problem but its a release.
I know the kids know you worship God. SO ummmmm get down on your knees and cry out to God....I know they will understand that. They may just join you.
You know to call when you get that space so we can talk and cry together. Dont make me have to take a double dose of atenolol....let me know what is up or at least how ya doing?
Let it out sis, let if flow...I can understand not wanting to cry for fear you wont stop..Well i cried for a year straight alot was inside and i couldnt handle it so i had to release it..When God finally stopped my tears i learned from that..But i refuse to hold them in when its time to release i will do so..You and i talked about this already..You know im here for you and i always will be.{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}
GLJ... just make sure you bring enough Kleenex for the both of us...lol
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